Christmas Gift

if you still remember my last post on october 08
titled "christmas is just around the corner"...
i have make my wish for this x'mas as a christmas gift...
i have make 3 wishes for myself:
***i wish for eternal love...
***i wish for someone who can take care of me..
***i wish for someone who could make me smile always...
there is 'someone' trying to walk into my life...
to give me his love on this x'mas...
this is the person who give me the chocolate cake on this x'mas...
izit HE is my christmas gift i wish for???
izit HE is the one the God sending for me to take care of me and to make me smile???

Merry X'mas...

merry christmas to all of you...
hmm... something special for me this x'mas..
i think...
1st time exchanging gift with my fellow friends...
receiving gift from my manager...
wow...
the most unforgettable moment is i received a "strawberry chocalate moist cake"!!!
so sweet... ^-^
HE purposely came up to genting to give me the cake...
what a surprise...
n this is how the story start between us....
on this memorable x'mas...

i guess u guys wanna knw who is that guy i mentioned... haha...
da previous blog i have some small wishes for this x'mas??
hmm.. not sure izit really come true...
can consider yes and might consider no...
not very sure actually...
but this guy crush on me long time ago le...
since when we r in same college... (but i duno abt that)
this is what he said.. hehe...
he is my senior coursemate...
an IT expert... now working at kl...
almost a year plus i din meet him le after he graduate...

the love story begin here on this x'mas...
between ME n HIM....
hopefully this is what i wish for...
just wishing myself da best luck...

5 mins talk..

long time no update my blog le..
haha.. jz busy with works...
da whole week oso working nite shift...
so most of the time im sleeping oni...
just oni jump to afternoon shift...
even x'mas oso have to work...
ot sumore... haizh...
wish all of you "merry x'mas n happy new year"

Some Opinions...

there is 1 friend of mine...
oso 1 of my ex colleague...
oso ex staff of fwh front office...
oso from the same hometown de...
now he is working in banking industry..
he is harry neoh...
giving me some opinions...
from his previous experience...
he ask me "do you ever think about come to work at downtown?"
what he mean is to settle down at downtown...
erm... i have think about this b4 lo...
but that is becoz i wanna follow kenny to settle down at penang...
as what his decision...
that was b4 this...
after breaking up i never think to go down le...
"i will continue to be at genting until i getting married to somewer else"
"coz no wer for me to go"
haha.. this is what i replied to harry... (silly)
he said genting is not a place for a girl like me... no offense (what he mean?)
hmmm... i couldnt catch up what he mean at 1st...
so im asking why and reason lor...
coz i oso need some advices and opinions from different different side...
harry said "its just hard to find someone, i mean lover or ur future husband"
"as you know staff at genting comes and goes"
"if you want a better environment you should try downtown"
"i knw genting pays you well"
"but think future ahead"
i answered "i did knw about this all"
"so i din took it serious anymore after hurt by kenny"
"after the matters it lets me learns, understand alots of things with different situation"
"now working in my mind only, others i will put aside for a moment.."
harry said "celine think it over"
"you wanna end up like your supervisor or manager?"
(not really understand what he trying to say.. haha..)
i told him i aim to be at genting at least 5 years to achieve my dreams here...
nothing is impossible de...
but did you all ever think of what you goin to be the next 10years 20years 30years..??
i did think of it... but i couldnt imagine it what i look like...
haha... maybe with kids around... or maybe still single...
or maybe still like what i am now... who knows... God knows....

Getting Married

1 friend of mine...
oso 1 lecturer of mine...
oso 1 direct sales of mine...
is getting married next year...
on march 13 2009...
congratulation!!!
im goin to join her wedding... haha...
with my ex collegemate, vincent
hope he wanna go too...
coz i long time din see him liao...
kinda of missing him... ^-^
diam diam de girl suddenly tell me she is getting married...
what a shock...
last time always ask her got bf anot...
she buat tak tau pulak...
ish.... now marry liao lo...
can take me as her bridemaid ma??? hahaha...

Bad Management

im getting bored day by day after my offday...
my shift totally out with my friends...
even though we are in the same grouping...
i dun even meet my 2 buddies @ counter...
always see the people that i dun really want to see...
so sien...
wanna find ppl chat oso hard...
happy moment will just a while...
but sad n down moment will be long time...
why izit like this ne?
im getting no mood working @ fwh front office...
not because of the working environment...
but is the MANAGEMENT problem...
very poor... 1 word i can describe...
non of them can be trust...
always find ppl "eat mati kucing"...
not understanding... blame here blame there...
terminate this terminate that...
suspend staff everyday...
double check in refer IRO!!!
no show refer IRO!!!
run from counter kena MIA!!!
go toilet without informing oso get MIA!!!
anything pls refer SENIOR!!! anything happen say SENIOR ajar...
open misconduct...
give warning letter...
write explanation letter...
kena suspension....
all bullshit... why dun the junior refer SUPERVISOR!!!
when supv kena leh cover here cover there...
close 1 eye open 1 eye...

about the scheduling...
very bad, poor, no time management, no quality, worst setup...
all the shift jump up n down, tungang langang, not well-arranged...
i will write to the progamming dept regarding this...
everytime my dad asking me when is my offday...
i said im not sure... the schedule not yet done by our SUPERVISOR!!
they dun let me to view wor...
syok syok they delay, syok syok they forward...
syok syok approve anual leave, syok syok they reject...
without informing...
when complain give all kind of reason...
u din summit ur form la...
u suppose send in earlier la...
u dun have strong supporting document or reason la...
this la that la... li li lo lo...
staff not more than 100...
2 SUPERVISORS doin the scheduling...
still.. last minute oso amd here amd there...
so group A staff always the victim lo...

Out For Date

yesterday da whole day accompany my buddy...
she come genting...
go outdoor... go indoor theme park....
go kap siao... go yum cha...
but yesterday weather no good... raining...
so not much can play...
go here close here... go der close der...
bored... leg oso wanna patah d...
from morning i reached genting 5am till 5am i oni sleep leh...
kanasai... still can tahan...
ho liao leh...
then 10.30am wake up liao....
my roommate la... ish...
later 3.00pm work liao wor...
tension.... hmmmm....
accompany my buddy till 10.30pm...
then later saw my friend (ex colleague)...
sembang sembang pulak...
around 12.00am oni bck to room to rest...
after 45mins another call go out for yum cha...
wow... but this 1 promise him liao ma...
so hard to reject lo... haha...
da 'humour' guy...
go starbucks... why not... he belanja wor... sure 'on' la....
with his another fren oso...
said drink until 2.30am but....
aiyo.... go walk walk at genting hotel der le....
luckily no faint... haha.... if not 'sia sui' lo...

Humuor + Funny + Silly

recently i got to knw a friend from f&b dept...
hmm... actually we see each other b4 but no chance to get knw each of us..
my first impression to him is...
he is a serious person...
kind of 'sombong' type...
and a quite guy...
but all is wrong...
he some kind of humour...
he likes to talk all the nonsense with me...
he will jokes all the way...
he could joke 24 hours a day...
very nice can chat with him...
haha... ^-^
he told me that his dept got a girl look like me...
erm... ok... so???
this is like how i get to knw him...
n he gets my contact num...
da 1st time he called me i get shock...
coz i couldnt imagine he not the guy that i tot all this long...
after chat with him da whole nite....
oni get to knw that he actually very 'sam pat' oso...
chat alot nonsense stuff....
having fun n enjoy oso....
coz sometimes very hard to find a friend that can chat crazyly with u...
that what he is... cute...
but 1 things i couldnt understand...
he call me every nite???
not a while but very long de oh...
but after the call i will laugh myself when recall bck the stupid conversation with him...
silly i think...
hmm... haha....
dont think much ya... hehe...
and why he help me to pay for my breakfast bill ne?
pai seh la...
i alr at the counter to pay my bill le...
da cashier told me that the bill alr been paid le...
i was blank in my mind...
oh gosh... why he pay for it ne?
din ask him belanja oso...
but gentleman.... shh....

What's Goin On With Him?

why izit he so mind that my dept spread the "untruth" rumours..
if he said he break with me not becoz of new target...
then why shall he so care about it...
since his dept oso spreading the same kind of rumours...
i didnt even say any single word or complain to him..
what he want??
dun tell me until now he still taking care of his 'air muka' ma??
come on...
i have nothing to do with him le ok...
n he asking me to believe him?
hey!! are you crazy??
he have lied to me b4...
how could i believe him?
sound nonsense rite??
why izit he miss me so much after we become a normal frens instead of couple?
what is he thinking now?
he said he tried to persuade himself to let me go...
but why he wanna left me without a word that day...
if life killings him then he shud have make the decision clear earlier...
not so sudden...
and he couldnt blame himself for what he had did...
i just followed what he wanted...
one more things...
why must he blame on jubeline??
i just tell jubeline what i feels and i want her to knw what is happenning..
i think there is no wrong for me to do so...
i knw that matter is involving 2 of us oni...
but dun 4get...
i told her after i break with him...
jubeline needs to know... coz she knows him more n a close fren of him...
n she scold him got her own reason...
not i simply bla everything to her...
at first very hard to accept this breaking up...
but now i can tell anyone... that..
im happier without him...
i could do whatever i want to...
i could go anywhere i want..
i could mix with anyone that i want...

Planning For A Trip

wanna go for trip!!!
planning to go early of the year after getting bonus...
haha.. ^-^
who wanna join me...
a few destination in my mind...
**langkawi porto malai
**pulau redang
**macau
**awana kijal terengganu
**hatyai/bangkok
where to go leh??
budget? erm...
if macau need more lor...
if local anytime sure ok de..
but who wanna join me...?
this really make me freak out...
or anyone who also planning for trip???
ask me join leh...
long time not goin for trip le...
last trip is macau...
wish to go back there...
fall at the first sight... love macau...
hehe... 'kua zhang' leh...

Touching...

thanks for my all dear friends....
who do always support me for all this time....
im sorry if duno how to appreaciate u guys....
just read my friend's blog...
she always keep on eyes with my updated blog....
she already keep updating my blog last half year ago...
till now... she still my blog's fan.... haha... ^-^
she knws all my feelings....
what i have gone trough all this time...
all sweet & sour times...
she is such a caring & understanding friend...
that's hard to find...
she will leave down advices in my blog whenever i need it...
ask me never give up...
and even she did even mentioned about my post in her blog...
to share with others...
i have go through her post...
it's touch my heart....
silent tears in my heart...
thanks YanTing...
and so do JuiLin....
and also for those who leave me comments and advices in my blog...
thanks again...
i will keep continue updating my blog...
share my story of life (sweet & sour , hard & easy , smooth & complicated)
as a life history of mine...
something belong to me...
a meaningful and memorable one...

Some Feels...

i have some "special" feeling for 'someone'...
but dunno how to express...
duno wanna say bad or good
now my heart very 'pelik pelik' now...
very messy feeling...
and i duno what 'someone' was thinking about me...
sometimes ok sometimes cool sometimes 'buat tak endah'...
sometimes care sometimes dun care...
sometimes his word is sweet sometimes it's kind of hurting words...
sometimes romantic sometimes normal...
sometimes very proud of himself...
always 'kek gau gau'...
hmm... hard to guess...
everybody is spreading news around...
with untruth story....
khabar angin everywer...
rumours all the way...
aikzs....
how to respond bck them oh? ^-^
i think he also dislike with the khabar angin lo....
im trying to avoid le...
but still.... haizh....
"hen bu hao de yu gan"
"guai guai de gan jue"

Misunderstood....

thanks everyone for ur concern and advice..
but it seems it's an misunderstood...
kenny seem not that bad...
he said he left me not because of the 'third party'...
he did explain to me alr...
kenny oso did face alot of trouble becoz of this...
he oso told me that he alr pistoff of this misunderstanding too..
it's time for me to believe his word oso...
maybe what other ppl saw isn't da truth at all...
pity him...
im sorry for him too
suddenly feel that im very bad....
haha...
but now everything it's settle n fine le...
back to normal le...
nothing to hide each other le...
and i started sms bck with kenny le...
hmmm... it seem ok oso la...
now oni i realise being his friend is much more better lo....
i think he oso think the same way too...
am i rite, kenny???
but...........
should i believe what he said?
since he had lied on me b4...
it might da 2nd times too....
haizh....

The Truth...

it's time for me to believe what ppl keep asking me..
they asking me "ei, ur kenny got other girl outside izit?"
"ei, ur kenny fall on someone else d izit?
at first i really dun believe....
coz i knw kenny is not that kind of person for me...
but that is the FACT....
he fall on someone else and left me...
he giving me so many reason for dumping me...
the girl he falls with, i knw her...
she is meei qi...
a very beautiful girl...
a girl that is 1 of his buddy ex gf...
a girl working at hr payroll dept...
a girl with a sweet smile...
a very soft girl...
a caring girl...
a girl kenny's like...
a girl much more better than me...
he has been so mean...
why must he cheated on me...
why must he promised me he will loved me only...
izit im being too 'tian zhen' ma?
or being too stupid...
i duno what other will think about us...
will they laugh at me for being dumped by kenny...???
ppl keep asking me...
i duno how to answer...
i duno what reaction i should give to them...
i duno how to control my emotion when come across this....
it totally made my mood spoilt...
Should i hate him...
or wish him in happiness with meei qi??
seeing them 'xin fu' n im suffering here ma??
izit possible??
can i do it ma...?
"CELINE are you sure u can let go???"
"CELINE WAKE UP LE!!! you have nothing to do with him le....

Christmas Is Just Around The Corner

1 of the celebration i love the most...
romantic day...
last year christmas i celebrate @ genting with my best collegues n friends..
but most of them are not here anymore le...
thinking that this year x'mas i could celebrate with my love one...
but it's seem not come true again...
my dreams never come true...
my wish never 'shi xian' b4...
i wish for eternal love...
i wish for someone who can take care of me..
i wish for someone who could make me smile always...
a very simple wish...
i will make the same wish on this christmas again...
hope this time will never be the same again...
hoping that HE could hear my praise...
as my christmas gift...

The Day Without Love

a week past...
im not sure how's my feeling now...
sad or happy...
or im still trying to hide myself away from the reality...
im trying all the best not to think anymore...
not to care...
sometimes i can did it but sometimes i cant...
when nite comes... silent all sudden...
i will think back the memories we cerish 2gether b4..
how's da first time we knwing each other..
how he go after me...
what we had done 2gether...
where he brings me...
what had he told me...
what had he promise me...
sometimes i tot miracle will happen...
but it's not...
the past is already the past...
i couldnt turn back the time...
why did things turn out so bad...
sometimes i really duno how to overcome my feeling...
how to control my tears...
now... im walking all alone...continue my life without him by my side...
im all alone..
hope i will 'xi guan' lor...

I'll Never

I'll never loved again
the way i loved you
I'll never cared for anymone again
the way i cared for you
I'll never feel the way again
the way i felt for you
I'll never be attached again
the way i was attached to you
I'll never be devoted again
the way i was devoted you
I'll never tolerate anyone again
the way i tolerated you
I'll never concerned about anyone again
the way i was concerned about you
I'll never serve anyone again
the way i served you
I'll never laugh again
the way i laughed with you
I'll never cry again
the way i cried for you
I'll never smile to anyone again
the way i smiled to you
I'll never wait for anyone again
the way i waited for you
I'll never be sad again
the way i was with you
I'll never fall for anyone again
the way i fell for you
I'll never let anyone to hurt me again
the way you hurt me
I'll never be that happy again
coz... I am happier now without you...

A Story That Will Haunt My Life...

yesterday was my birthday..
suppose to be a memorable one...
but it become a worst history in my life...
a worst one...
a history he created im my life...
he has been so cruel to me...
he not only a taurus bull but a real bull...
why must he say it on my birthday???
all under his arrangement alr izit??
i have a very hard feeling..
im so down that day
i duno how to let him go...
im serious in this relationship...
for all this time he jz treat me like his sister...
how selfish is he...
he always say he dun mean to hurt me but he always do...
all the way he jz trying his best to love me..
not sincere... not from his heart...
he say giving us a week time to think whether we still need each other anot??
in his heart he dun need anymore even if i say i need him...
he dun need anymore... 1 week time is jz a liar...
he say dun wan me to be dissappointed..
but he alr dissappointed me....
on that day oni tell me he dunno wanna give what reaction to me...
n even how to face me???
it's mean it's not only my wrong all the way...
he might be done something wrong rite???...
fooling me around....
at first he say he go after me coz he love me...
next he say he cant get any feling towords me...
what the helll.... "yi shi yi yang"
keep on saying he is telling the truth wanna sincere to me...
the point is all the way he is telling lies to me... cheat me...
on my birthday oni wan to sincere with me...
on my birthday oni wanna honest to me...
on my birthday oni hurt me so deeply..
on my birthday oni say me i make him insecure??
i think he is the one who make me insecure...
he feel guilty?? coz he doing the wrong things, lies frm the beginning...
why he change all sudden???
izit become he fall for someone else ma???
c****? m*****? H** ***g? who?? who else he always meet??
dont let me know it... dont think i cant be a monster at the end of the day...
he change my life... he controled my life...
he scolded me i let him scold...
he want me to change to a gal he hope to have...
how about him??
why dun he look at himself first??
why dun he change too...
expecting me to change only ma???
until now im still asking myself shud i let him go??
set him free???
but how??? Time will proof to me...
i believe without him it's "not end of the day"...

Upset With His Behaviour

2day my day is such a terrible day for me...
get scolded from him...
he late for his work 2day n he blamed me...
wat is this??
im working 11pm 7am leh....
i come bck i neeed a good sleep de la...
he working 1pm 9pm but he wake up at 1pm just now...
blame me that i din call him up...
i think im not so free to do so lor....
im sleeping that time k...
why must he like this ne???
one more things..
last nite he couldnt find the tv remote control...
blame me again...
saying that im so forgetfull...
always misplaced his things...
just a small things i coulnt do it right...
haizh... scold la scold la...
i dont mind anymore...
this is not the first time le la...

Another Day For Me

another blue day...
anothet day to go...
day by day....
with pain in my heart...
feel tired all the day...
just now i bck from work i took my bf hp to have look...
i saw a msg tat he send to a girl named MeeiXi...
he asking her out for date!!
that really hurt me...
i drop my tears again....
can it be stop ma...?? please....
what should i do???
keep crying ma???
keep silents ma??
keep in my heart ma??
i feel lost now...

Feeling Down...

just seeing hr oni...
so horrible... it took me 1 hour to wait for the exec...
2 hours to take my statement...
from 4.00pm till 7pm...
so tired... not enough sleep leh....
they ask me so many questions...
some i really duno how to answer them...
coz i really forgotten some of the guest...
1 day we checking in hundred of guest...
the fact saying that im checking in a man without the original guest approach counter...
but comfirm i wont let the guest if the booking is not him or her...
they saying that our dm alr view the cctv le...
the fact saying that i was checking in the man around 1.31pm at counter 8...
sorry lo... i really really forgotten le...
n 1 more things i wont do something that will let my name tercemar lo...
n so do my dad lor... he is the 1 who intro me to work here...
how could i possible betray him lor??
haizh... so now i need wait hr to call me again...
they need to do further investigation about this case...

Feeling Tired

tomorrow im going to see HR regarding my case...
too tired...
im not goin to admit anything coz i NEVER did it...
some of my friends ask me not to be guilty...
yeah... they are right...
i'm following procedure wat...
but im really tired working at here...
the problems keep coming...
it's not easy to handle it...
im not pro... im not genius... im not intelligent...
im just a very weak gal...
luckily i still have some of my collegues are supportive...
if not i might falling down... or maybe giving up...

loving someone suppose to be very happy , 'xinfu' or warm...
but sometimes i find that it's hard... tired too...
how hard i love him or how serious am i in this relationship...
i feel that i get nothing...
i dont get his love his care...
i alr trying my best giving out my best i can...
'bu zhi bu jue' my tears drop in silent...
every night...
hurt in my heart... deep in my heart...
why he treat me this way ne?
izit his love to me fade away ma....
my love for him will always as deep as the sea..
how if i let him go??
will he be happier than to be with me?
but...
i dont want this to be happen... NEVER...
pls do help me...

Sweet & Sour Moment...

in this whole month i faced alot of matter..
no matter work, family or love...
im tired le... very tired...
very stress...
the matter come day by day...
with different different situation... different feeling...
the most really hurt my heart is...
my company suspected me involved in room touting...
tat's really hurt...
they giving me a warning letter... i signed it...
regret...
i alr did my best to change my working attitude...
but i fail to do so... tat's why they will suspect me...
izit becoz my ex collegues or my friends last time is involving too ma...?
wat ever la... i knw what am i doing right now...
im trying my best to change my bad temper n stress in my working life...
and i knw i did it...
coz recently i really feel happy with my work...
n im willing to stay back for OT or other stuff...
not like last time any more....
feel joyful when my meal card full with OT...
besides to earn more money...
it's time for me to save money for future le...
cannot expect much from others...

come to my love matter...
sometimes i really dont want to repeat the same things again n again...
he want me to mix around...
he want me to be more socialise... as he said im bad in interaction...
he want me to take serious with my job...
he want me to be more intelligent..
he want me to be more open minded... not always feel jealous...
he want me to cry less... he dont want me to be so childish...
he want me to think positive...
he want me to be a good n corcern gf to him.. as he said im not enough good for him now...
etc... i rmber what he had told me b4... always in my mind...
he want me to change...
n im in my process... maybe he didnt not understand kua...
sometimes we need some suitable time or suitable place to proof it...
or maybe we need some times or space to change...
like malay proverb "bukan dalam sekelip mata" can done everything...
but when i can did that... i can feel he really dont like...
i really really duno what he rally want from me...
for example.. he want me to more socialise n mix around ma...
so recently i did always go out find my friends n collegue go yum cha..
so that can get closer to each other... so it's easier for working environment.
i first i tot he might be no problem...
but last night i found out actually he is not very happy with that...
he talking to himself in his sleep or maybe in his dreams...
he said that im din care about him anymore...
he said that i more to friends le...
he said that i dint inform him when im doin my OT...
he said that i dint accompany him for his dinner...
n lots more... (keep it as secret)
after hearing that... i ask myself again...
did i did wrong again ma?
what's the problem now...

about my family ne...
i can feel that long time i din go bck to my home le...
kinda got the missing feeling...
always say wanna call bck home but always end up fail to do so...
thinking what to chat with my family..
everyone in my home busy with their own routine...
feel that im a bad daughter lor..
i duno how to be a good eldest sister in my family...
i fail in everything actually...

Back to Kampar 2moro

offday le lo....
this time i really go bck to kampar again lo...
haha.. so excited...
go find my ex schoolmate vivien...
but this time there is another friend to find oso...
my 'kor kor' stuyding at der oh...
study computer engineering lo...
haha... so can go der find him le....
so miss him...
he is my best brother i ever have...
last time when schooling time both of us like to share 'xin shi'
he will teach me wat to do...
he will advise me...
but after he got gf le...
my msg to him become less le lo...
must pandai pandai oso ma...
later his gf 'chaik cho' pulak.... hehe
goin back kampar with my dear..
2moro 9am bus frm genting to pudu...
have to sleep early lo....

Big Fight...

last 2 days i have a big fight with my dear...
so hurt...
but maybe is my fault too...
i shouldnt take his fren hp no in his phone without his permission de...
the story is like this...
tat day i follow him to his dept 'makan makan malam' with his collegue's car...
n im phobia sitting in other ppl car n speeding all the way frm genting to genting view...
feel so uncomfortable... so pening...
still can tahan...
coz i din eat full yet...
but when go bck time... nobody will ever think tat will happen on me...
i was sleeping in the car coz very tired...
his fren's car suddenlly speed up...
i vomit out...
i call my dear by slapping on his back...
i cant raise out my voice... coz almost vomit le ma...
so at the end i vomit out in his fren's car...
very memalukan oso... felt sorry oso..
duno how to face his fren oso...
n he leh keep scolding me tat din inform him...
how i knw wor...
vomit out all sudden...
if u r me... sure u will feel so sorry to the guy rite... make dirty his car...
n u want to say sorry rite?
so when my dear when to toilet... i secretly take his fren number...
just 1 reason in my mind nia...
just want to apologize... that's it....
my dear found out...
i scold me so crazyly... im so scared...
he say why im still so childish thinking?
then he said wat will other ppl will think about him?
he scare his dept will knw tat his gf is so 'memalukan'???
why he will think like that ne?
he just care for his 'muka air' 1st than me....
just say a sorry nia wor... wrong ma?
yes i knw im wrong coz i take the number without his permission...
my heart so pain lo...
even my ex never scold me like that b4...
after that i knw tat he change his password le...
very clearly informing me that he dun let me touch phone le...
that's fine... if he is happy with that...
just wanna let him knw that im hurt...
i really mind what he had scolded me...
I MIND... coz his words really hurt me...
but the next day he pujuk me bck le...
so now we r ok le...
but i still can feel that he still thinking of that incident...